Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Spearfisherman
By spacing my drinks out over the past four hours, I had managed to maintain both an entirely lucid state of mind, and an annoyingly sober disposition.
The bar was remarkably empty, remarkable because it was a peak hour on what was normally a busy night, remarkable because it was normally frequented by locals and foreigners alike, and because this was a country without a last call, where bottles of booze could be bought at 4am for pocket change. (Then again, I was a foreigner myself, fairly new to the island, so did my notions of “remarkable” and “normal” even apply?)
It wasn't 4am yet, but I was already thinking about the relative comfort my stiff mattress and meagre bedding could provide compared to this smokestale room.
I was talking with a couple of female acquaintance's about the apparent voices in a madman's head, (voices that had told him to stab, kill, and decapitate a stranger sitting next to him on the bus, then proceed to cut off parts of his face and eat them), when a man in a ski mask stumbled in. This was strange, if not slightly off-putting, considering that this was a semitropical island, and the guy was huge. He lumbered towards us, pausing a moment to perform a sort of drunken dance, before continuing on to the bar.
He returned a minute later, mask pulled up and draft in hand. We were all slightly wary of this, but considering that we were virtually the only other people in the bar, we figured he had little choice. Within seconds, he managed to offend both girls to the point where they walked off, never to return. He had been ranting about the debaucherous lifestyle of foreigners on Jeju, the drinking, the fucking, “you gotta' break out of this cycle, get out and experience the island, the people, something real, this world, this here, is never ending...foreigners get caught up in it and they never get out.”
I had heard the same argument before, two months ago, (in some other foreigner bar across town), where this brute had told me that he frequently dove 20 meters to spear fish, without oxygen. (I remember poking him in the chest when he told me this, and saying, “20 meters?” He hadn't hurt me then, so I figured I'd be okay now.
“You're the spearfisherman, right?”
“Yeah. Mick. Have we met?”
“Once, a while back, at Blue Laguna.”
“Oh yeah, that was probably the last time I was out.”
“Yeah?” (I failed to point out the hypocrisy of the fact that he was ragingly drunk then, and even more so now, raving about the shallowness of foreigner life on the island on both occasions).
“Those girls didn't like what I had to say. Those chicks. I love offending people, it's so easy.”
I imagined it would be, if you really wanted to.
“Well, I'm not that easily offended.”
“Good. You know, I've been all over this island, all over. Been here seven years now, and I was like you once, like them. The girls are there if you want them, foreigners are dying for a lay, and locals are happy to get a guy that lasts more than one pump. They'll be banging on your door for it at all hours...and then there's the hookers, girls that'll lay you down, soap you up, and jerk you off. All you gotta' do is lay there and be a man. But I got away from all that, started fishing, started diving. Seen some crazy shit. Saw an octopus kill a shark. Saw a dolphin give birth. Swam under a school of jellyfish, thousands of animals, for over seven minutes.”
“Wow,” I said, taking a sip from my beer, noticing that he held his with three fingers, like a teacup, because his pinkie couldn't fit.
“Yeah, once spent twelve days living in a cave, totally isolated, fished for my meal every day, and cooked it on the beach...you know, if you go down to the docks, act real nice, you can get aboard a squid fishing ship, go out with the local fisherman, it's quite a fucking experience...”
During the course of our conversation, the spearfisherman told me that he could kill me--could kill me very easily--twice. Said he had been trained in some martial art or another and used to be a bodyguard. I wondered why anyone so big would need to know a martial art at all in order to defend themselves (or someone else); who would fuck with a 6”6 guy in a ski mask?
I finished my beer and left, walked the still-noisy streets past exposed legs and flicking cell phones, pausing a moment to watch a cat eat some vomit off the pavement, and turned towards home.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Furry Rememberings
Last night I dreamt of browsing in an open-air market full of redheads, then sprinting off and performing an amazing parkour run at top speed. Actually, this isn't true. I dreamt this about a month ago, but it sounds a lot better to begin something with "last night" than "about a month ago."
I recently removed a great deal of mold from my apartment. It was growing out of control, secretly festering behind furniture all along my rear wall. My initial discovery of it was slightly terrifying, a glimpse of green...a closer look...and the nightmarish discovery. The removal of it was no better, like peeling diseased skin from the flanks of a rotting beast.
This shit was growing inches from my head, could it have affected my dreams? And, if so, was it for better or worse? I must say, of late my dreams have not been nearly as pleasant. I would much rather be dreaming of open-air markets full of redheads.
Redheaded women have always held a particular fascination with me. I've no doubt this began in elementary school, when I tried to win the affections of one Katie Locke. Naturally, she wanted nothing to do with me--I was all about climbing trees and drawing dinosaurs, (I do remember offending her once, when complimenting her on her red hair, she blew up, shouting, "It's not red! It's strawberry blond!") But the seed was planted.
Years later, Gillian Anderson as Dana Scully and Milla Jonovich as Leelo would go some way to magnify my fiery thirst.
I think part of the appeal lies in the rarity of these women, it's as if they're from another era, or an island destroyed long ago, like some kind of redheaded Atlantis...then again, brunettes, blonde's and Asians are pretty hot too. Hell, I'm practically living on an Asian Atlantis right now...what the fuck am I doing blogging!?
I recently removed a great deal of mold from my apartment. It was growing out of control, secretly festering behind furniture all along my rear wall. My initial discovery of it was slightly terrifying, a glimpse of green...a closer look...and the nightmarish discovery. The removal of it was no better, like peeling diseased skin from the flanks of a rotting beast.
This shit was growing inches from my head, could it have affected my dreams? And, if so, was it for better or worse? I must say, of late my dreams have not been nearly as pleasant. I would much rather be dreaming of open-air markets full of redheads.
Redheaded women have always held a particular fascination with me. I've no doubt this began in elementary school, when I tried to win the affections of one Katie Locke. Naturally, she wanted nothing to do with me--I was all about climbing trees and drawing dinosaurs, (I do remember offending her once, when complimenting her on her red hair, she blew up, shouting, "It's not red! It's strawberry blond!") But the seed was planted.
Years later, Gillian Anderson as Dana Scully and Milla Jonovich as Leelo would go some way to magnify my fiery thirst.
I think part of the appeal lies in the rarity of these women, it's as if they're from another era, or an island destroyed long ago, like some kind of redheaded Atlantis...then again, brunettes, blonde's and Asians are pretty hot too. Hell, I'm practically living on an Asian Atlantis right now...what the fuck am I doing blogging!?
Monday, January 12, 2009
That Flower Has Phlgem On It
I light another stick of nag champa, lie down, and watch the wisps of smoke unfurl around my apartment like ghostly dragons. I get up, mix myself some soju (my first today), and sit down at my computer--I have no intention of going out tonight, it's too late, wet, and cold. It's odd out anyway (not the foreignness, I learned to accept even the strangest of sights as merely Korean long ago), but the weather itself, the vegetation, is fucked. There are flowers in full bloom growing out of snowy pots, tropical palms of vibrant green whose trunks are blanketed in white. The snow here doesn't even fall in flakes, but tiny spheres that slush instantly underfoot but ball perfectly for snow fights. There is no grass (at least, not that I've seen), just uneven concrete, volcanic rocks, flowerpots, and trees that, while healthy, look like they require a great deal of effort to keep upright.
I didn't realize that there is a massive mountain within view of the city until two months after I got here, and I haven't seen it since. Everyone is sick. Everyone. I have been sick for so long that the degree to which I am sick now may as well be perfect health, because it is nothing compared to previous degrees of sickness, and the sickness of others.
One of my students gave me a Pikachu head made out of beads. It is fucking awesome.
I didn't realize that there is a massive mountain within view of the city until two months after I got here, and I haven't seen it since. Everyone is sick. Everyone. I have been sick for so long that the degree to which I am sick now may as well be perfect health, because it is nothing compared to previous degrees of sickness, and the sickness of others.
One of my students gave me a Pikachu head made out of beads. It is fucking awesome.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Korean Medical Experiences
My second week here, I had to undergo a medical exam at the local hospital. This exam was the closest thing I've ever experienced to being abducted by aliens and experimented on.
First, I was transported against my will to a highly advanced medical facility; everything there was bright and sterile, and nobody looked even remotely like me. These beings seemed harmless enough, all going about their business as if I weren't even there.
Next came the tests, a barrage of medical probing the likes of which I have never experienced in my entire life: blood pressure, heart rate, height/weight, vision test, hearing test, blood sample, urine sample, chest scan, electrocardiogram, breathing test, question period. After I had been sufficiently violated, I was picked up and dropped straight back into the mix. A strange thing, being intensively tested in a foreign hospital.
- - -
After being sick for almost a month, I went to a local clinic to see what the deal was. It was pretty standard--waiting room, doctor, prescription, return visit, (my boss translated). However, on my second visit, I had to get a shot “here” as my boss said, pointing to her backside. “Oh” this would be a new one, I thought. It sure was. I was led into a room by a young Korean nurse and instructed to lay down on a bed behind a curtain and pull my pants down, I did. Next, a little prick, and, (whoa!) the nurse was giving me a spanking—slap, slapslap, slapslapslapslapslapslap. This was entirely unexpected...but not entirely unwelcome. I wasn't sure if this was normal, but I didn't really care, I figured this type of thing probably cost 100,000 won in Seoul, and I just got it for free. I felt better already.
First, I was transported against my will to a highly advanced medical facility; everything there was bright and sterile, and nobody looked even remotely like me. These beings seemed harmless enough, all going about their business as if I weren't even there.
Next came the tests, a barrage of medical probing the likes of which I have never experienced in my entire life: blood pressure, heart rate, height/weight, vision test, hearing test, blood sample, urine sample, chest scan, electrocardiogram, breathing test, question period. After I had been sufficiently violated, I was picked up and dropped straight back into the mix. A strange thing, being intensively tested in a foreign hospital.
- - -
After being sick for almost a month, I went to a local clinic to see what the deal was. It was pretty standard--waiting room, doctor, prescription, return visit, (my boss translated). However, on my second visit, I had to get a shot “here” as my boss said, pointing to her backside. “Oh” this would be a new one, I thought. It sure was. I was led into a room by a young Korean nurse and instructed to lay down on a bed behind a curtain and pull my pants down, I did. Next, a little prick, and, (whoa!) the nurse was giving me a spanking—slap, slapslap, slapslapslapslapslapslap. This was entirely unexpected...but not entirely unwelcome. I wasn't sure if this was normal, but I didn't really care, I figured this type of thing probably cost 100,000 won in Seoul, and I just got it for free. I felt better already.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Nov.29th - Korean Lesson
I had some people over Saturday night in order to pre-drink before a dance party down the street (it was sextacular) During this time, a Korean friend (part-time teacher and full-time babe) took it upon herself to write me a number of useful Korean phrases. They were too good to keep to myself, so I post them here, for all to enjoy. Use them wisely.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Oct 27-Nov 23 - Fast Forward
[I've decided to skip through the next three weeks in order to catch this blog up to the present, the past is past and I'm living in the future now.]
My first week of teaching was a trip, I had zero experience coming into this and it definitely showed my first day. It didn't help that I was given virtually no advice (at first) but was instead thrown into a classroom and observed the entire time by one of my Korean co-workers. But, after some much appreciated tips and personal adaptation, I improved rapidly. Now, three weeks in, I almost know what I'm doing.
Halloween was a crazy day. First, there was the school Halloween party, which was in itself pretty hilarious--dozens of costumed kids running around drunk on the idea that they'd be getting heaps of candy because...does it matter?
Halloween night was excellent. About forty foreigners (and a few locals) gathered at a bar called the Blue Agave and ripped it up. Everyone consumed an appalling amount of alcohol and was rendered totally senseless. A ripe nasty boozefest. Some great costumes. I was a zombie DJ.
[special note: bars have no last call in Korea, so leaving around 5am is "standard" and 2am is "early"]
Food - I've been to some great restaurants in the past few weeks: Indian, Chinese, Japanese and, of course, all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ (usually pork). It generally costs about 10 000won ($10) to eat somewhere nice, though cheaper is not unheard of. My main problem with food here is that I cannot find the ingredients I need to cook anything decent at home, nor can I go to most restaurants alone and order something myself, so, unless I go out with friends, I'm usually left hungry. Thankfully, my school provides free lunches, and they are okay.
Friday nights are the big party nights in Korea, while Saturdays are a mere echo--everyone's a bit hungover and tired from the previous nights romp, so Saturday night usually winds down around 2 or 3, if it gets started at all. Sundays are big activity days (or so I've heard, I've been too hungover to take advantage of Sundays potential thus far).
Friday November 14th was a pretty magical night. A crew of 15 people met down at Iho Beach for a bonfire in the sand under a full moon. With the squid fishing season coming to a close, there was a thin string of boats visible in the distance, their ring of bright lights (used to draw the creatures into their nets) encircling the entire island. There were walks on the beach, drunken expeditions to find firewood, and a (failed) attempt to break into a lighthouse. It was hard to believe that it was November.
School snippets:
I work for a hogwan (private school) teaching kindergarten in the morning and elementary in the afternoon. I'm one of two foreign teachers, (the other, also Canadian) and it is pretty laid back. We are free to wear pretty much whatever we want and introduce just about any game or activity to the class, as long as we get the assigned work done on time. This usually means about 2 pages of work, covering basic reading, listening and comprehension of English.
The students abilities vary greatly, from beginner to brilliant. One of the most interesting younger students is a boy who will sit and draw in his book the entire time and appear not to be paying attention at all, but when I ask him to do the work, he is able to complete it flawlessly in a matter of seconds, then he goes right back to drawing.
One of the kindergartners favorite games is to climb onto furniture and then leap off onto me. "Poo" is also a big hit.
It's not all fun and games though; one of the harshest realities I've ever witnessed is seeing a six year old girl breakdown because her parent's divorced and she "doesn't have a mom anymore."
On a brighter note, one of my "prodigy" students asked me on Friday, "there's History, but why no Herstory?" Wow!
I found a piece of paper folded up and stuffed in my back pocket the other day--I didn't put it there. When I opened it up I found it was a note from one of my students with a drawing of a smiling face that read, "NO sad. Happy time!"
On that note, I think I'll cut this post off right here and add random bits as they come to me. Until next time.
My first week of teaching was a trip, I had zero experience coming into this and it definitely showed my first day. It didn't help that I was given virtually no advice (at first) but was instead thrown into a classroom and observed the entire time by one of my Korean co-workers. But, after some much appreciated tips and personal adaptation, I improved rapidly. Now, three weeks in, I almost know what I'm doing.
Halloween was a crazy day. First, there was the school Halloween party, which was in itself pretty hilarious--dozens of costumed kids running around drunk on the idea that they'd be getting heaps of candy because...does it matter?
Halloween night was excellent. About forty foreigners (and a few locals) gathered at a bar called the Blue Agave and ripped it up. Everyone consumed an appalling amount of alcohol and was rendered totally senseless. A ripe nasty boozefest. Some great costumes. I was a zombie DJ.
[special note: bars have no last call in Korea, so leaving around 5am is "standard" and 2am is "early"]
Food - I've been to some great restaurants in the past few weeks: Indian, Chinese, Japanese and, of course, all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ (usually pork). It generally costs about 10 000won ($10) to eat somewhere nice, though cheaper is not unheard of. My main problem with food here is that I cannot find the ingredients I need to cook anything decent at home, nor can I go to most restaurants alone and order something myself, so, unless I go out with friends, I'm usually left hungry. Thankfully, my school provides free lunches, and they are okay.
Friday nights are the big party nights in Korea, while Saturdays are a mere echo--everyone's a bit hungover and tired from the previous nights romp, so Saturday night usually winds down around 2 or 3, if it gets started at all. Sundays are big activity days (or so I've heard, I've been too hungover to take advantage of Sundays potential thus far).
Friday November 14th was a pretty magical night. A crew of 15 people met down at Iho Beach for a bonfire in the sand under a full moon. With the squid fishing season coming to a close, there was a thin string of boats visible in the distance, their ring of bright lights (used to draw the creatures into their nets) encircling the entire island. There were walks on the beach, drunken expeditions to find firewood, and a (failed) attempt to break into a lighthouse. It was hard to believe that it was November.
School snippets:
I work for a hogwan (private school) teaching kindergarten in the morning and elementary in the afternoon. I'm one of two foreign teachers, (the other, also Canadian) and it is pretty laid back. We are free to wear pretty much whatever we want and introduce just about any game or activity to the class, as long as we get the assigned work done on time. This usually means about 2 pages of work, covering basic reading, listening and comprehension of English.
The students abilities vary greatly, from beginner to brilliant. One of the most interesting younger students is a boy who will sit and draw in his book the entire time and appear not to be paying attention at all, but when I ask him to do the work, he is able to complete it flawlessly in a matter of seconds, then he goes right back to drawing.
One of the kindergartners favorite games is to climb onto furniture and then leap off onto me. "Poo" is also a big hit.
It's not all fun and games though; one of the harshest realities I've ever witnessed is seeing a six year old girl breakdown because her parent's divorced and she "doesn't have a mom anymore."
On a brighter note, one of my "prodigy" students asked me on Friday, "there's History, but why no Herstory?" Wow!
I found a piece of paper folded up and stuffed in my back pocket the other day--I didn't put it there. When I opened it up I found it was a note from one of my students with a drawing of a smiling face that read, "NO sad. Happy time!"
On that note, I think I'll cut this post off right here and add random bits as they come to me. Until next time.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Oct 25-26th - Introduction to Jeju
Thankfully there was someone waiting for me at Jeju airport when I landed--my new employers. They assured me that they would take me to my new apartment, right after a brief tour of the school. I'm not sure what they thought I would absorb in my current state, but we went anyway. 2nd floor, books, room with a dinosaur-theme. Cool. Can I go to sleep now?
Fortunately my apartment was a 2 minute drive away, unfortunately the previous teacher had left it in a semi-disastrous state after leaving earlier that day (fired, actually, for scaring the children, among other things). So, the 3 of us spent about half an hour cleaning the place before I deemed it livable.
[Part of me felt a very strong urge at this point to go out into the night and embrace Jeju for all it could offer, (it was Saturday night after all, wasn't this what I traveled 30 hours for?) but the physical side of me told that urge to fuck off and I went to bed.]
The next day I went for a walk around the neighborhood, which triggered a bit of a freak-out for me as it finally sunk in that I was actually in Korea--everything was strange, nothing made sense, words and language as I knew it had been totally vaporized. I was an alien in a new world, and the future was fucking weird.
This feeling soon passed.
That afternoon, a fellow teacher and Canadian (Paul, a total chiller from B.C.) came by my place & took me to meet some people, first to lunch, with Russ (think a kinder, gentler version of Dr.Gonzo with about half the debauchery), and then to play soccer, with assorted foreigners. We never got a chance to play actual soccer, (first due to a game taking place on the field, and second due to a large group of Koreans holding hands in a giant circle), but played the best game of tennis-soccer and mini-soccer that that edge of the field is ever likely to witness--and we were only scolded by one drunk Korean man doing it.
All in all, a fine first day. Teaching would begin tomorrow.
Fortunately my apartment was a 2 minute drive away, unfortunately the previous teacher had left it in a semi-disastrous state after leaving earlier that day (fired, actually, for scaring the children, among other things). So, the 3 of us spent about half an hour cleaning the place before I deemed it livable.
[Part of me felt a very strong urge at this point to go out into the night and embrace Jeju for all it could offer, (it was Saturday night after all, wasn't this what I traveled 30 hours for?) but the physical side of me told that urge to fuck off and I went to bed.]
The next day I went for a walk around the neighborhood, which triggered a bit of a freak-out for me as it finally sunk in that I was actually in Korea--everything was strange, nothing made sense, words and language as I knew it had been totally vaporized. I was an alien in a new world, and the future was fucking weird.
This feeling soon passed.
That afternoon, a fellow teacher and Canadian (Paul, a total chiller from B.C.) came by my place & took me to meet some people, first to lunch, with Russ (think a kinder, gentler version of Dr.Gonzo with about half the debauchery), and then to play soccer, with assorted foreigners. We never got a chance to play actual soccer, (first due to a game taking place on the field, and second due to a large group of Koreans holding hands in a giant circle), but played the best game of tennis-soccer and mini-soccer that that edge of the field is ever likely to witness--and we were only scolded by one drunk Korean man doing it.
All in all, a fine first day. Teaching would begin tomorrow.
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